Thursday, June 24, 2010

(Maddie) Toy Story 3Ds: Disney Drags in the Dough, by Hook or by Crook

So, my review for Toy Story 3 will not nearly be as harsh as the rebuke I gave for Robin Hood 2010. Comparatively speaking, TS3 was a cinematic oasis in the midst of a creatively-parched Hollywood desert...but overall I was not as impressed with this movie as I was with A Toy Story and Toy Story 2. CAUTION: There be spoilers!


  • Spanish Buzz - Me gusta Buzz Lightyear en espanol. At some point in the film, they accidently activate Buzz's Spanish mode, which produces a rather funny attempt at a sexy Antonio Banderes voice. His mannerisms also undergo a transformation - he develops a machismo attitude and amazing latin dance skills.
  • Barbie and Ken - nothing like Barbie watching Ken do a 60s-90s fashion show. Very funny.
  • The 3D technology shuts the kids up - always a plus in my book. I hate having my movies interrupted by whining, crying, loud, ill-disciplined, oboxious brats. For example, when I went to see Red Eye, some parents decided that it would be a good idea to save money on a babysitter by taking their 5 year old child to a PG-13 movie with VIOLENCE, BLOOD, and Cillian Murphy being STABBED IN THE THROAT with a cartoon pen. Guess who turn around and told them to shut their kid up?
  • I sympathized with Andy in the movie. When I was getting older, I found it hard to part with some of my childhood toys. I have to admit, I started tearing up a little.


  • Sequel Fever - apparently Hollywood is so scared of taking a creative risk during a recession that it feels compelled to continue to puke out the same, unoriginal garbage. There are too many other sequels/remakes scheduled. Star Trek 2009 was awesome - that needed and could handle an update. I have to admit that I am a tad bit excited about Tron: Legacy this Christmas. And, we'll see about Shamalamadingdong's film version of Avatar: The Last Airbender. But, SciFi and Fantasy tend to make better remakes/updates by virtue of their genre. Toy Story 3 felt like a stretch. Only Mouschwitz (I mean, Disney) would be willin' for the shillin' enough to cash in on such a wonderful Pixar creation.
  • Disney acquired Pixar a couple of years ago. The deal called for sequals on Toy Story, Monsters Inc., and The Incredibles. Just stop - stop cashing in on and destroying Pixar's original creative genius. You make enough money, Disney. Miley Cyrus won't be fully depleted until she hits the "skank" period of her sad, short-lived starlet life...she's not quite there yet. Eventually, she will be replaced with another Disney test tube baby. Please see the Onion videos "Enterntainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013" and "Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line of Genetically Engineered Child Star" for more information. Check out, search for the videos and see what I mean. Walt is rolling is his grave right now...more like spinning, methinks.
  • Bigger is not always better, just as 3 dimensions are not always better than 2! I felt like the 3D gimic is being used on every new film that comes out so that Hollywood has an excuse to charge more for tickets. A movie about toys - with no explosions, magic, lasers, etc. - does not belong in 3D. I feel like 3D is being used by Hollywood to cover up the fact that it is not producing anything orginal. Cameron's Avatar was just Pocahontas / Dances With Wolves with giant Smurfs. Cameron needed the 3D in order to force you to focus on the amazing graphics, thus diverting your attention away from the boring, unispired story with horrible dialogue and cliche Cameron characters. If it isn't compelling in 2D, it isn't a good story. THREE-DIMENSIONAL FAIL.
Overall rating: 2 out of 4 stars (the standard ratings system for movies). 2 is average. Good family film, but not nearly as good or original as TS1 and TS2. I was entertained, but not enough for a $11.75 ticket (originally $15 before coupon). It was worth $6-7.

P.S. I still love you Pixar, even though my stock in you was converted to Disney stock when they bought you out. Continue to shine through the Disney darkness.

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